But cycling. So yes, I realised the other day that, aside from BT vans, I had not had a single shitty driver and/or stupid cyclist experience once I had gotten east of Stamford Hill for the entire month of November. That is, alas, until I had to go into town the other day; I took my preferred route in and was promptly assaulted by bad drivers and idiotic cyclists. I have a large list of drivers that I am banning when I am Queen of the World, and I may also now ban males of a certain age on hybrids as well as all women on step-throughs.

Given the fact that I just shaved all my hair off again (ahhh, the freedom! ahhh, the lovely velvet headedness!) and could feasibly now lose my job and end up near Central London again, I thought I’d give another top tip to cyclists, namely - don’t fill up the gaps!

What I mean by that is, if there is a gap down the side of (stationary) traffic and you decide to go down it and then say, for example, there is a red traffic light that you are not going to jump, don’t just hang out at the end of the tunnel, blocking the light and the way through for all the other cycling souls of London. Take the tunnel (follow the light!) but when you get to the top, move towards the centre of the lane, in front of the motorised traffic, so that any other cyclist can also take that route rather than being forced, a) to be in a dangerous position once the traffic starts moving again, or b) to wait at the back behind the traffic.

It’s just common courtesy. Think about the reasons that you felt comfortable taking that tunnel and moving to the front of the traffic - you did it because you had a hole of freedom to work towards. So why block the light/bung up the hole and thereby prevent other cyclists having the safety to do the same? You don’t have to be a selfish plonker, all you have to do is think!

PS: This goes quadruple bazillion for motorbikers and scooterererers.

When a car is all up in your arse as you ride along the road, do you know that they are doing this on purpose to unnerve you and make you get out of the way? Do you know that just because they speed up and hug your back wheel in between speed bumps, that this does not mean they will actually run you over? Do you realise that you stopping and (hilariously) shouting, “What are you doing? You are such bad driver!” is just what they wanted, a) for the jokes and, b) because it enabled them to pass you?

Oh Hi-Viz and Helmet Woman, how many times must I tell you? Cars are not contagious! Please stop being so afraid of them and allowing them to wrestle the road back off you. When a car is all up in your arse - carry on! Do just what you were doing. If they beep you - give them the finger! It is highly unlikely that they will try to run you over,* so let them rev their engines and hug your rubber all they like, they are just being impatient is all.

Yours sincerely,

Tank Green

(*: And if they are the kind of homicidal maniac to try to run you over, they’d do it anyway.)

Yes lady, I’m talking to you: the one I called an idiot this morning. Yes, I know I am a cantankerous old cow, but when you weave your way erratically across traffic and then throw yourself into the cycling lane without looking to see if there is anyone using it, you qualify for the idiocy badge.

Simply put, if you are that nervous around cars, then you shouldn’t be commuting to work (etc.). Take one of those ‘cycle with confidence’ courses that the council offer and practise on back streets until you feel confident enough to take your position on the roads. If you are petrified about being around cars, get off your bloody bike and walk. It’s also carbon neutral.

Hi-viz gets you seen, it’s true. I had a hi-viz jacket for a while (before I succumbed to vanity and the desire for a breathable coat) and cars definitely gave me a wider berth at night. But the simple fact is that being seen by traffic is not enough. If you don’t look before you pull out, you’ll never know how close that car is to you, or how fast it is going; and if they are right on your arse (which they usually are in a city), then your lumo jacket will turn into a lumo rag on the road with you squished underneath it. And that’s not even going into the danger you pose to other cyclists.

The same goes for helmets: wearing one does not automatically make you safe. Wear helmets and hi-viz clothing all you like, they’re a great idea, but do not assume that they are the most important safety measure you can take. The most important safety measure you can take relates to the way in which you cycle. That is: confidently, assertively and maintaining the safest position on the road (which is not the same as getting out of the way of cars).

I’ve lost count of the amount of women I see fully decked out in hi-viz clothing and helmets cycling like complete and utter plonkers. It utterly pains me to single out women, but truth be told, a lot of the hi-viz plonkers I see are women and I care about women the most. (In summer even more oblivious-to-basic-road-rules plonkers come out in flowing skirts, baskets and flip-flops: STOP! Just fucking stop. This is not Copenhagen and you are a danger to yourself and others.)

So yes, hi-viz plonkers: women on god awful step-through bikes shuddering and shaking in the gutter in too high a gear. SAVE YOUR KNEES! Or the male type of hi-viz plonker who rides a hybrid and tries to race other cyclists (especially couriers) to prove they aren’t as middle-of-the-road as they secretly think they are. To prove that - roooaaaar - they’re still risqué, even though they’re wearing the safety gear their partner forces on them.

And so, in my bid to save us all from the bloody tragedy of another plonker on the roads blissfully unaware that they are endangering themselves and others because of their belief in the forcefield provided by their hi-viz clothing and helmet, repeat after me: hi-viz is a great product which helps you get seen, but it will not save your life. Buy it, buy as much as you want! But please, please remember that your best safety gear is your awareness, not your boil-in-the-bag jacket, and that means looking before you make a manoeuvre and interacting with cars as other road users, rather than as highly contagious beasts you need to run away from. Okay?

At this junction (Drayton Park and Holloway Road) there is an ASL and so I cycled into it and occupied a central position at the front of the box. Once stopped I turned round to see how close to me the HGV was, and to my great surprise and extreme gratitude the driver had actually stopped way before the stop line. I felt like clapping and kinda wish I had, but my hands were hurting from the cold (I had forgotten my gloves :(). I didn’t ask him why he stopped so far back, but I can only assume it was so that I didn’t fall into one of his blind spots.

So yay for the driver of the Sheffield Insulations HGV, yay! Hopefully more and more will start behaving in this way.

I’m really hoping the cyclist didn’t actually get to drive the HGV (and merely sat at the wheel), since the idea of that freaks me out for all manner of reasons (mainly because I think it a skill not to be taken up lightly and secondly because it’s an unfair comparison), and there are several points of irritation (I’m always irritated by things - it’s the academic in me), but overall I think the attention the article is bringing to the issue is important at least.

The cyclist mentions the speed of driving: this is one of my main issues and has been the subject of the two letters of complaint I have written this year (Oakwood and Ringway). It really needs to be addressed since no matter how careful I am with my actions, if a vehicle of that size passes me at such high speeds, my safety is automatically compromised. (More about that here.)

The experiment has the driver going down the side of the HGV which is utterly ridiculous on the one hand, but on the other hand, it also seems to have made the driver think about what it is like to pass a cyclist at high speeds. Remember folks: never go down the side of a large vehicle. See Nozzer’s rather cubist but highly useful diagrams to learn precisely how large an HGVs blind spots are. Unless you can see that the vehicle is stationary and will remain so for longer than it takes you to pass it, never, ever go down the side of it. And if you do, go on the outside, not the inside, regardless of any cycle lanes.

I passed my driving test about sixteen years ago and I can still remember the adage: mirror, signal, manoeuvre. However, it would seem that most of the drivers in London are amnesiac fucktards, since hardly any of them follow that procedure.

In light of that reality, my general desire to stay alive and the fact that I see so many (newbie?) cyclists behaving as if they aren’t aware of this failure on the part of motorists, my first top tip relates to the safest way I have devised for cycling in the vicinity of large amounts of vehicles safely. The following is just the general rule I go by; there are learned exceptions and also occasional moments of plain idiocy on my part. Feel free to add your own tips about this in the comments section.

Clearly, as this wonderful image shows, I am not alone in my frustrations and although I have not personally noted a particular problem with BMWs, someone else has, and that is enough for me. (Tune in at a later date for a full list of cars that I am banning once I am Queen of the World.)

The trick is to act as if every single driver is malicious and utterly disinterested in your safety and well-being, mainly because most of them are. Think of every situation in terms of worst case scenarios and therefore cycle defensively.

This means that as you approach a junction assume that every car immediately in front of you and to your right (left if you drive on the right side of the road) is going to make that left turn (or right if you drive on the right side of the road). I repeat, most every car is going to cut you up if they get the chance, so act as if they are going to in order to avoid the negative ramifications of their possible actions.

So, as you approach that junction, hold back behind the vehicle in front of you and also the one to the right if there is one (left if if you drive on the right side of the road), and do not, under any circumstance, attempt to go on the inside of the vehicle in front, no matter what their indicators say. Just because they aren’t indicating, this does not even remotely indicate that they are going to continue going straight. Indicating right? Do not believe them! Just hold back and wait for them to physically manipulate the vehicle so you can be sure of their actual direction.

Additionally, to prevent any car from behind you cutting you up as well, when you hold back to allow for the vehicle(s) in front and to the side to behave like idiots, also move out further into the lane so that the car behind cannot just come up on your outside and cut you up as well. This might cause them to beep at you, but invariably it doesn’t, and you are now safe to go in whichever bloody direction you choose.

Also, please indicate yourself; and not with one of these.

The trick is to be a defensive but assertive cyclist. To think for yourself and also to try to predict the actions of every motorist around you. I know it’s hard and it’s also slightly paranoid, but the truth is that by assuming the motorist is going to cut you up, you will actually help to protect yourself against that. At the very least you will be prepared.

Without a shadow of doubt, the best place I have ever cycled is France. Granted I have only ever cycled the French countryside, but cars would literally drive in the ditch in order to give me enough space. They treated me as I was taught to treat horses by my driving instructor 16 years ago: decrease your speed and give them a wide birth. In the year and a half I lived there, the two cars which did not behave in that way had British licence plates.

Spain is next: the cars never slow down out in the countryside, so the speed can give you a shock, but they overtake on practically the other side of the road, so you are perfectly safe. In the three cities we cycled in, the cars treated you with such respect and gave you a lane to yourself, always exhibiting patience and care. We were never an obvious source of irritation even when we didn’t exactly know where we were going.

And so I’m here again in London. The London I left 10 years ago was a much nicer place to cycle. There were fewer people, which means fewer cars and much, much fewer cyclists. London is still nowhere near as bad as Philadelphia, but it’s closer to that than to the continent; not in terms of the amount of cars (London is much more densely packed), but in terms of the maliciousness and carelessness of drivers.

I can’t help but think about courtesy and about care. I understand road rage – I am possibly the least patient person in the world – but I think it so dangerous that the frustration and rage at these packed and often grid-locked roads means that the care, courtesy and consideration which is vital for safe road usage has all but disappeared.

I don’t care if you yell at me, I don’t care if you swear at me, and I certainly don’t care if you beep at me or give me the finger – I do all of the same to you. But what I do care about is when you pass me at high speeds with only an inch or two to spare, or when you deliberately swerve into me ‘to give me a scare’, or when you nudge my back wheel because you want me off the road, or cut me up to make that left turn, or when you fail to check your mirror or to indicate before turning, and when you forget to look before throwing open your door…

I care about all of those things because you endanger my life at that point. I’m not precious and anyone who doesn’t like being yelled at or stuck in traffic should not be on the road (and that goes for cyclists and motorists alike), but I am vulnerable because I don’t have a metal shell protecting me, and part of the responsibility of being alive is to respect those more fragile than oneself. The beleaguered point here is that cyclists are the most fragile of road users. We are the smallest and the most exposed, and for that reason vehicles need to be mindful of their actions when around us. The other point here of course, is that many of them aren’t mindful at all.

Simply put, the larger you are the more care you need to exhibit since the sheer fact of your mass means you are capable of doing so much more damage, accidentally or on purpose. When a VW Golf passes me too close and too fast (as they always do), I get a fright perhaps, or merely just feel pissed off that I wasn’t given the space I know they would have given a car. When an HGV/LGV passes me too close and too fast, I get a fright and I am also in danger of being swept under the wheels by the wind that is generated when a vehicle of that size goes that fast. Do you see the difference? By incremental stages our size makes us more and more dangerous, even when our actions do not differ.

Ultimately, it is simple common sense to take care of those smaller than oneself. It’s why we are gentle with babies and small children or why we take care when planting out seedlings – the simple fact of our larger size and comparative strength necessitates it. In this way, larger must yield to smaller because with size and power comes responsibility: the cyclist can damage the pedestrian, the Smart car can damage the cyclist, the SUV can damage the Smart car, and the HGV can damage us all without it paying any physical price.

And so that is why I specifically care about HGVs, lorries, trucks, buses and other large road users. It’s not that I think HGV drivers (for example) any more dangerous or negligent than other drivers. In fact, it is thanks to HGV drivers like Nozzer and his blind spot diagrams, that I have learnt even more about how to stay safe around HGVs. But the simple truth is that an HGV / bus / lorry (etc) driver needs to exhibit much greater levels of care because of their much greater capacity for damage. I hope that, eventually, that point will be understood.

Ringway Group
Attn: Complaints
Albion House
Springfield Road
Horsham
West Sussex
RH12 2RW

Wednesday, 27th August 2008

Dear Sir / Madam,

I am writing regarding an incident that occurred this morning on Seven Sisters Road, N15 and which involved one of your HGV drivers. The licence plate of the vehicle was P1 DBN and it was labelled as a ‘Motorway Maintenance’ vehicle.

At approximately 9.40am, I was cycling up Seven Sisters Road, N15 and the driver of the above mentioned lorry passed me exceptionally closely and with far too much speed. I will describe the road there to help you understand the way in which this driver endangered my life.

Just at the junction with Amhurst Park (going towards Manor House) there is a small stretch of bike lane which then filters cyclists off to enable us to get over to the incoming, far left hand lane. Just at this point is a central island reservation (on the driver’s right), as well as a reservation to the driver’s left, in which a gap is made for the filtering off of cyclists. The small stretch of cycling lane (approx. 2m) starts at this point.

Just as I entered the cycling lane, your driver passed me with extreme speed and with his left wheels in the cycling lane. Essentially the driver was in too much of a hurry to lift his foot off the accelerator for the two seconds it would have taken me to filter off the road and in between the left hand reservation, safely away from other road users. There is barely space for a medium sized car to safely pass me at that point (and in fact, it is very rare for a car to force themselves passed me at this point in the manner of your driver), let alone an HGV. Being inconsiderate to other road users is not a crime, but the problem with such driving when in a vehicle of that size, is that inconsideration easily leads to serious injury, if not death.

As I am sure you are aware, every year several cyclists are killed by HGVs (26 in 2005), and so I find the actions of your driver to be extremely worrying. In fact, according to the BBC, half of all cyclists killed on London roads are actually killed by HGVs. To this end, something you might be interested in reading (and also making available to the drivers of your HGVs) is a brief study regarding cycle lanes and the common mistake that many motorised road users make. Essentially, Pete Owens’ “The Effect of Cycle Lanes on Cyclists’ Road Space” finds that many motorists use the markings of a cycle lane as a guide in passing a cyclist, instead of using their own judgement and common sense. Since many cycle lanes are woefully inadequate and too thin, this causes motorists to come far too close to cyclists, much closer than they would if they used their own judgement. My own experience as a cyclist, and also of every other cyclist that I know, confirms this study.

In closing, I would like to point out that whilst, in this instance, I was unharmed by the style of driving your colleague employs, it very easily could have been a different matter had he indeed clipped my handlebars, which he very nearly did. As in all instances, the greater one’s size, the greater the need for courtesy and awareness, since by sheer size, one can cause more damage than intentions would ever design.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Oakwood Plant Group
Attn: Complaints
Oakwood House
Nobel Road
London
N18 3BH

Tuesday, 9th July 2008

Dear Sir / Madam,

I am writing regarding an incident that occurred yesterday morning (Monday 8th July 2008) on Drayton Park, N5 and which involved one of your HGV drivers. Unfortunately I did not get the full licence plate of the lorry, but it began with EU08. It was the kind of HGV which has a skip onboard.

At approximately 9.45am, I was cycling in the designated cycle lane on Drayton Park, just before the junction with Aubert Park, and your HGV driver sped passed me so closely and so quickly that I was swayed off balance by the force of the wind. I am a very experienced cyclist so I did not come off my bike, but I was certainly given a fright! The lorry came so close to me in fact, that the driver of the car waiting at the junction of Aubert Park had a look of horror on their face as they realised that the lorry was only a couple of inches away from having knocked me off my bike and in this way, the driver of your vehicle very nearly caused a fatality.

At little further on, where Drayton Park thins just before the junction with Benwell Road, the driver of your lorry then nearly forced the driver of a car off the road as well. The driver of this car was forced to slam their brakes on as the lorry forced its way ahead without any concern whosoever for other road users, motorised or otherwise. In fact, had the driver of the car not taken such rash action, they would have been crushed up against the cars parked on the side of the road.

Overall, the driver of your HGV displayed such an extraordinary level of irresponsibility and negligence over a such a small stretch of road (about ½ mile) that I am certain the driver will cause serious damage, perhaps even a fatality, unless some kind of re-education of the driver is taken. As I am sure you are aware, every year several cyclists are killed by HGVs (26 in 2005), and so I find the actions of your driver to be extremely worrying. In fact, according to the BBC, half of all cyclists killed on London roads are actually killed by HGVs.

Something you might be interested in reading (and also making available to the drivers of your HGVs) is a brief study regarding cycle lanes and the common mistake that many motorised road users make. Essentially, Pete Owens’ “The Effect of Cycle Lanes on Cyclists’ Road Space” finds that many motorists use the markings of a cycle lane as a guide in passing a cyclist, instead of using their own judgement and common sense. Since many cycle lanes are woefully inadequate and too thin, this causes motorists to come far too close to cyclists, much closer than they would if they used their own judgement. My own experience as a cyclist, and also of every other cyclist that I know, confirms this study.

However, whilst this might excuse the proximity in which your HGV driver passed me, it certainly does not excuse the speed in which they were travelling, nor their actions with the driver of the car. Overall, I consider the actions of your driver to be negligent, inconsiderate, irresponsible, selfish and dangerous.

I look forward to hearing from you.

I still look forward to hearing from them. :/

I was going to start off this site with random instances of terrible drivers which I’ve been noting over the last few weeks as I’ve been sorting it all out. The John Lewis driver in Crouch End who raised his arms all dramatically and exasperatedly at me, even though I’d waited behind the parked cars so as he could carry on uninterpreted. Or the Mercedes driver who actively swerved into my partner who was cycling in front of me in Newington Green. Or the a list of the myriad cars and lorries who refuse to use their indicators. And so the list grows.

Instead I find that despite my lovely day, another cyclist has been killed by a left turning HGV. See this report for some small details about it, and this clip of the news report.

Whoever you were, RIP.

More and more I sense the urgency in campaigning on this issue: HGVs are dangerous to cyclists and something needs to be done. I should give a shout out at this point to Bill and his enormous sideburns over at Moving Target who has been writing about this issue for some time. Check out his contents section for lots of articles on HGVs.

This site then, is to be a repository of information about incidents with HGVs. I want to report the instances whereby you (and I!) have a near miss or a close shave; where you are shaken, scared, terrified, angry and indignant because some driver of some large (or small) vehicle has just wantonly endangered your life. I want you to give me the details of the experience and I will post it here. Essentially I am naming and shaming in the hope that eventually HGV operators will care enough to respond to my letters and give their drivers the awareness training so many desperately need.

Please go to the Submit section for more details on how to submit to this site.