Dear Hi-Viz and Helmet Woman,

When a car is all up in your arse as you ride along the road, do you know that they are doing this on purpose to unnerve you and make you get out of the way? Do you know that just because they speed up and hug your back wheel in between speed bumps, that this does not mean they will actually run you over? Do you realise that you stopping and (hilariously) shouting, “What are you doing? You are such bad driver!” is just what they wanted, a) for the jokes and, b) because it enabled them to pass you?

Oh Hi-Viz and Helmet Woman, how many times must I tell you? Cars are not contagious! Please stop being so afraid of them and allowing them to wrestle the road back off you. When a car is all up in your arse - carry on! Do just what you were doing. If they beep you - give them the finger! It is highly unlikely that they will try to run you over,* so let them rev their engines and hug your rubber all they like, they are just being impatient is all.

Yours sincerely,

Tank Green

(*: And if they are the kind of homicidal maniac to try to run you over, they’d do it anyway.)

Posted under advice